If there’s one thing Blizzard has shown that they like about the Mage community over the past few years, it’s fucking around with them. There was that HUGE mage review back in 1.9 (or something) that ended up being a HUUUUUUGGEEEE disappointment. Then there was the whole “jaw-dropping damage” debauchle in TBC.
But more than anything else, Blizzards longest running joke and blatant showing of how little they care – changing Mage spell icons for no reason.
Patch after patch following the original WoW release, Mages would get new icons all the time. Warlocks were completely awful at launch? We’ll work on that over a few patches. Shaman could completely own everyone by spamming Frost Shock? We’ll take care of that. Mages have problems? Change their icons or something, that’ll shut them up.
The situation eventually became a complete mockery when Blizzard released the infamous “Evil” Patch Notes for v1.11 on April Fools Day in 2006. The only mage change listed in the JOKE patch notes:
Mage Armor – Now has another new, unique icon.
Rumor has it that the joke notes originally listed several changes that would actually make them a good class, but Blizzard ultimately decided this was incredibly cruel and opted to simply shit on everyone instead.
Anyway, what’s the point of this history lesson?
The latest build of the Wrath of the Lich King beta features a HILARIOUS addition to the game, directed right at Blizzards favorite red-headed step-children:
GET IT?! NEW ICONS FOR YOUR SPELLS! YOU CAN PAY FOR THESE! YOU CAN PAY FOR NEW ICONS FOR THE SPELL YOUVE BEEN USING FOR FOUR YEARS!
Heaven forbid they add some damage scaling back to the class or at least come up with a different mechanic besides giving us oodles of crit since it’s just gonna make us go OOM faster. Nah, hell with it…let’s throw in some cute little jokes and a few more Polymorph spells.
I really, really try not to end many posts with a big “Fuck you, Blizz” but…
Fuck you, Blizz.
Blizzard has really outdone themselves with the new Inscription profession. In case you’ve been living under a rock, Inscription is a new for Wrath of the Lich King and allows the scribe to make scrolls (which don’t stack with buffs aka are useless) and to create glyphs. Glyphs modify your existing spells and abilities to increase their power or add new effects.
Yeah, I know, 99% of you know all this already. But you’d be surprised how many people actually don’t read anything about the upcoming changes to the game, so shut up already.
Despite an overall lack of attention throughout legacy WoW and TBC, Mages ARE technically a player class, and therefore Blizzard had to come up with some glyphs for them. I thought it would be fun to check out the Mage glyphs and discuss all the one’s that are awful (there are many, but these are my top five). Here’s a sample of the absolute worst:
1. Glyph of Evocation – In what way is this NOT useless? 15% of your health? You’re a mage, a couple of renew or lifebloom ticks is 15% of your health. Not like you’re gonna be hurting for HP and suddenly realize you can get 15% of your health over EIGHT SECONDS. Seriously, you know what would have been amazing? If this instead gave some percentage chance for Evocation to not lose 80% of its duration when the wind blows on you.
2. Glyph of Ice Armor – A Major Glyph that applies to a useless spell. Moving on…
3. Glyph of Ice Block – Ok, I understand how this MIGHT be nice to have in PvP, like, one out of every 1000 times. Even if you are a frost Mage, you still cannot double up IB anymore, you’re stuck with a 45 second minimum cooldown. Frost Nova has a 20 second cooldown, so if you can’t cast Frost Nova again by the time you pop out of that seocnd Ice Block, God is likely out to get you. What’s more, if you’re sitting in Ice Block for 8 seconds and waiting on the Frost Nova cooldown still, chances are you blew your existing cooldown at a pretty lousy time. So good job, this glyph is there to counter-balance you being bad.
4. Glyph of Improved Scorch – This one is just like Blizzard slapping you in the face with their collective dicks. The last post (I know it was three weeks ago, I’m busy, sorry) outlined the complete and utter raping of the Improved Scorch talent, and now Blizzard goes and hands us this glyph. The problem with this glyph is that it does not help you at all past the first 8 seconds of any fight. Whether you’re stacking Scorch five times on the pull or twice, you’re still casting it again every 30 seconds to keep the buff up. Couldn’t they have made this something that improves the duration of Improved Scorch? Or something that refreshes the buff when you cast another spell? SOMETHING WORTH HAVING? Using a major glyph slot to save yourself at most 4.5 seconds of cast time in a boss fight is completely retarded.
5. Glyph of Polymorph – Congratulations mages, you can take up a major glyph spot to counter-balance all those idiots in your raid who put dots on your sheep! You struck the glyph jackpot here! Why not make a Warlock glyph called “Glyph of Don’t Be a Retard and Put Curse of Agony on Sheep”?
Now yes, I know there are good ones. Although they even nerfed the ones that were good so they arent quite as good now. Most notably, they changed the Glyph of Fireball to give 5% increased critical strike chance instead of 5% additional damage. Remember kids, Mage damage scaling in any way is ALWAYS unintended.